New to this topic? Start with our companion article: What Is Neuro-Affirming Language? A Brisbane Speech Pathologist Explains
In our previous article, we talked about what neuro-affirming language is and why it matters. Now let's get practical. Whether you're a parent, a teacher, a speech pathologist, or another professional working with neurodivergent children, the language you use every day can make a real difference to a child's sense of self, their wellbeing, and their engagement with support.
This isn't about policing words or getting it perfect every time. It's about being thoughtful, staying curious, and being willing to shift when we know better.
Language Swaps That Make a Difference
One of the simplest places to start is by looking at the words and phrases you use regularly and considering alternatives that are more affirming.
Talking About the Child
| Instead of... | Try... |
|---|---|
| "Has a language disorder" (in parent-facing communication) | "Has a language difference" or "finds language tricky" |
| "Disordered speech" | "Speech that sounds different" or "speech difference" |
| "Deficits in social communication" | "Differences in social communication" |
| "Non-verbal" | "Non-speaking" (because the child may communicate in other ways) |
| "Low-functioning" | Describe specific strengths and support needs |
| "Refuses to..." | "Is finding it hard to..." or "isn't ready to..." |
| "Attention-seeking behaviour" | "Connection-seeking behaviour" |
| "Meltdown" (used dismissively) | "Distress response" or "sensory overload" |
Talking About Therapy
| Instead of... | Try... |
|---|---|
| "Fix their speech" | "Support their communication" |
| "Correct their errors" | "Help them learn new patterns" |
| "They need to learn to behave appropriately" | "We're building understanding of social situations" |
| "Normalise their language" | "Support their language development" |
| "Compliance with therapy goals" | "Engagement with therapy" |
For Professionals: Shifting Your Practice
If you're a speech pathologist, teacher, psychologist, or other professional, here are some practical ways to embed neuro-affirming language into your everyday work.
In Report Writing
Reports are read by parents, schools, funding bodies, and sometimes by the young person themselves (now or in the future). The language in reports matters.
- Lead with strengths. Before listing areas of difficulty, describe what the child does well.
- Use neutral, descriptive language. Instead of "John presents with significant pragmatic language deficits," a clinician might write "John shows differences in how he uses language in social situations, including turn-taking and reading non-verbal cues."
- Be specific rather than broad. Labels like "low-functioning" say very little; descriptions of actual abilities and support needs say a lot.
In Goal Setting
- Frame goals in terms of what the child will learn or develop, not what they'll stop doing.
- Include the child's voice where possible. What do they want to work on?
- Consider whether goals reflect the child's needs or neurotypical expectations. Not every goal needs to be about fitting in.
In Sessions
- Follow the child's lead and interests.
- Celebrate communication in all its forms — spoken, gestural, augmentative, echolalic.
- Avoid insisting on eye contact or other neurotypical social conventions unless the child identifies these as goals themselves.
I've often found that the single biggest shift a clinician can make is resisting the urge to "tidy up" a child's communication — and instead noticing what the child is already doing well.
Cummins and colleagues (2020) emphasise that neurodiversity-affirming practice isn't just about language — it's about a whole-of-practice shift that centres the perspectives and wellbeing of neurodivergent people. Language is the starting point, but it needs to be backed up by actions.
For Families: Using Affirming Language at Home
As a parent or caregiver, you don't need a degree in linguistics to use affirming language with your child. Here are some everyday ideas.
Talk About Difference, Not Deficit
If your child asks why they find certain things hard, or why they're different from their peers, try framing it as difference rather than something wrong:
- "Your brain works in its own way. Some things are easier for you and some things are trickier — that's true for everyone."
- "You're autistic, and that means you experience the world a bit differently. That's not a bad thing — it's just your way."
- "Lots of people learn to talk at different speeds. We're working on helping you say the sounds that are tricky for you."
Model Positive Language
Children pick up on how the adults around them talk — about them and about others. When you use affirming language in front of your child, you're showing them that differences are normal and respected.
- Talk positively about neurodivergent people in the media, in your community, or in your family.
- Avoid talking about your child's challenges in front of them as if they're not there.
- If your child is old enough, involve them in conversations about their goals and their support. Children who hear their parents talk about them with pride and respect carry themselves differently — even the little ones pick up on it.
Advocate with Schools and Services
You can also use affirming language when communicating with your child's school and other services:
- Ask teachers and therapists to use strengths-based language in reports and conversations.
- If you see deficit-based language in a report, it's okay to ask for it to be reframed.
- Share resources with your child's school about neurodiversity-affirming language.
The Impact on Therapeutic Outcomes
When neuro-affirming language is used consistently — at home, at school, and in therapy — the impact goes beyond just feeling nice. Research suggests that affirming approaches are associated with:
- Greater engagement in therapy. Children who feel respected and understood are more likely to participate actively in sessions (Leadbitter et al., 2021).
- Better mental health. Affirming language supports positive identity development, which is protective against anxiety and depression.
- Stronger therapeutic relationships. When families feel that their child is valued and understood by their therapist, trust builds, and collaboration improves.
- More meaningful goals. When therapy is framed around understanding and skill-building rather than "fixing," goals tend to be more relevant and motivating for the child.
It's a Journey, Not a Destination
Language evolves. The words we use today may shift again as communities continue to advocate for how they want to be described. The most important thing is to stay open, listen to the people most affected, and be willing to update your language as your understanding grows.
If you slip up — and everyone does — that's okay. What matters is the overall direction of travel: towards respect, understanding, and inclusion.
Let's Talk
If you'd like support that truly respects your child's identity, or if you'd like to see what affirming speech pathology looks like in practice, we'd love to chat. Speaking Speech Pathology offers mobile sessions in your home to families across Brisbane's south side and Logan. Get in touch to start the conversation. Any actual clinical work — assessment, diagnosis, or therapy — happens through a proper consultation tailored to your child.
References
Cummins, C., Pellicano, E., & Crane, L. (2020). Autistic adults' views of their communication skills and needs. International Journal of Language & Communication Disorders, 55(5), 678–689.
Leadbitter, K., Buckle, K. L., Ellis, C., & Dekker, M. (2021). Autistic self-advocacy and the neurodiversity movement: Implications for autism early intervention research and practice. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 635690.
Bottema-Beutel, K., Kapp, S. K., Lester, J. N., Sasson, N. J., & Hand, B. N. (2021). Avoiding ableist language: Suggestions for autism researchers. Autism in Adulthood, 3(1), 18–29.
Alexandra Bouwmeester is a Senior Speech Pathologist (MSPA, CPSP) with over 14 years' experience and a commitment to neurodiversity-affirming practice. She is passionate about using language that empowers children and families across Brisbane.
